Cleinman Performance Partners Replaces Entire Staff With Giraffes

Oneonta, NY – Cleinman Performance Partners has replaced its entire staff with Giraffes, reports the business consultancy.

“This wasn’t intentional,” says Alan Cleinman, CEO and Founder of the company. “It’s not like I woke up one day and decided to hire only giraffes for all key and support positions.  This happened entirely organically.”

The trend seemed to start with the hiring of Geoffrey The Giraffe last year, who was brought on as Chief Mascot Officer, and Executive Vice President.

“I came on because, let’s face it, I really, really needed the job, but I didn’t think it would start a trend or anything,” Mr. The Giraffe stated. “When I came on it wasn’t exactly a perfect fit, but in the intervening year the ceilings were raised, and a supply of deciduous plant matter was added to the company kitchen.  But for the large tracks of open woodland, this place is downright homey now.”

The company says it’s still willing and eager to hire humans for its many and varied positions. “All the giraffes are great for the brand, but we did overlook some important items, like travel to our many events, and the cost of flying a giraffe to the new round of Business of Eyecare Forums we are about to start for 2019,” Alan Cleinman elaborated. “But, we’ll figure it out when we get there.  All of our event locations seem roomy enough, with adequate grazing areas free from predators, so that’s a start.”